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BTB LIFESTYLE, Explained (SATIRE)

Son…this could be you. Get it done boy. Get it done. Notice how happy the groom is. Soon he will have no cartilage left. Introducing…the BTB Lifestyle!
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Few things are more true in life than the saying “real men date large.” Lad, if you want to be a real man you’ll run out and get yourself a heffer toute suite.

Welcome to BTB..aka Bigger than Bern. Here’s an example of a man who made a very good decision.
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Bigger than Bern depends on the day. In the last year I have weighed between 234 and 241 pounds. Your job is to find a woman who weighs more than that. YOU CAN DO IT! Email me on a daily basis to find out just how much more of the marriage market you can partake in.

Good news! Thanks to fasting, going BTB has never been easier. The price of BTB is declining. Today, you only need to beat 223 lbs to be the master of your own very wayward dirigible.

What’s your excuse? Isn’t it time to quit complaining and give some mumpy-bumpy some huggy-lovey? Why the hell not? Take a look at what you’re missing out on Mr. “Slave to Society Likes Non-Spherical Women”. You could be hugging (part) of this:
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Forget the porn! Forget free pics on tumblr. Why look at exotic images when you can take this home and get your kneecaps and femur shattered for the mere cost of a 40k wedding? Boy, embrace the future. This obesity crisis is something you’re going to have to get used to or my name isn’t Nathan T. Arizona. Timber!
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